Naruto the Sex Technique Teacher
by fairy tail dragon slayer
Summary: The science and explaination of the best technqiues, and how they are used in the best ways possible... for amazing, amazing sex. Why? Because SCIENCE!


_**Disclaimer: Naruto - I own nothing**_  
_**Analysis Start!**_

"What are we even doing here?" Naruto asked as he looked at the blackboard behind them.

It was just him and Sakura, and apparently, they were going to be explaining the benefits behind certain ninja techniques that he used... or rather, they would be explaining how they could be used for sex. He didn't get the point behind it, but get it or not, the small version of him with white hair wasn't going to let them leave easily until they did it. He was dumb, so he couldn't do it alone, which was why Sakura was going to be along with him for this ride.

"I don't know, but it looks like today we're going to be reviewing the health benefits and side effects of using the **Shadow Clone Jutsu**... for sex." Sakura looked at the statistics sheets they were given, and saw the name of the technique that they were going to be going over. "Well, for starters, how many clones do you on average make?"

"1000 easily, good for training." Naruto mentioned with a nod of his head.

**Technique: Shadow Clone Jutsu (When Used By Naruto)**  
**Benefits: Weight Loss, Better Skin, Anti-Depressent, Increase Lifespan 25%, Hair Treatment, Better Teeth, Toxin Removal, Removal of Cholesterol, Restores Organ Health, Wrinkle Removal, Removes Acne, Athletic Body, ect.**  
**Downsides: Addiction, Multiple Personality Disorder, Possible Death, Severe Need of Sleep**

"Tons of benefits... and wait... possible death!?"

"Lets focus on the benefits first. Weight Loss, you burn calories during sex... and if you have a gangbang orgy with 1000 clones... between double handjobs, footjobs, oral, anal, and vaginal sex at the same time, multiplied by 1000 over the course of the 6.9 days it would take for every close to have a turn with every position, combined with the calories lost during orgasm... over 344,800 calories would be burned... and with an intake of 0 calories, in one week of this a person would loss about 98.5 pounds in weight." Sakura explained, extremely red face, as she was forced to imagine how that scene would play out inside of her own head.

That was a lot of weight to loss.

"How many orgasms are you counting for that?" Naruto asked her with some confusion.

She wanted to hit him.

"Well, say you start out with 2 orgasms per clone... the girl is given 2 orgasms by the clone in her vagina... as time goes on and the clones pop, you'll get better and better at pleasing. I set the cap at 5 orgasms per clone to make it simple though... so close to 4700 orgams total." Sakura hated that part of the explaination, because that sounded very fun, and she hated thinking anything sexual about Naruto. "The semen itself, when covering the skin and going in the mouth, provides it's own benefits. It will improve skin softness and health, it's an anti-depressent, it promotes tooth and hair health, removes wrinkles and acne, ect." Sakura explained at part of it too.

"6.9 Days?"

"Well, _your_ chakra is unique... like when Shikamaru was drained of stamina, fluids, calories, and life by the Shinju, your chakra was able to restore him back to full health. So, sex with _you_ means a girl, no matter how much sweat or weight she loses, will never have to worry about dehydration, dying from weight loss, baggy skin, and they can survive purely off the nutrients in the semen itself." Sakura could explain that one with an example of when Naruto's Uzumaki chakra saved Shikamaru and many alliance members from dying, and how he was even able to restore the entire Akamichi clan's malnutrition issues during the water when they overused their techniques and lost too much weight.

The sweat.

"... and by sweating a lot, all the bad stuff in her body will get purged!"

"You're actually right, by sweating a lot by constant sex, all water and negative toxins in their body will get purged, with your chakra alone keeping them from dying via dehydration. All the bad cholesterol in their body will get purged too, and because of the... semen and sweat, acne issues, wrinkles will be taken care of, and the skin will get healthier." Sakura was glad the technique's user was able to keep up with what was going on somewhat, since he was the one that might use this technique.

"What is this part about the Athletic Body though?" Naruto questioned when he pointed to that benefit.

"As they are constantly in motion, losing calories, and suffering from muscle tears, build up of acids... your chakra is also healing those issues. Their muscles will become stronger, better, healthier... use this method once on a person with a moderately healthy body and she will gain a supermodel level, super athletic body that she can make full use of after she gets a lot of deserved rest." Sakura nodded her head, a super athletic body in almost 7 days was a great deal, when paired with sex in general. "Thanks to your chakra, again, this method has no risks of damaging the body itself." Sakura would get into the bad parts later though.

His chakra, _his chakra_ was the important factor here after all.

"What is next?" Naruto looked at the list. "Oh, thanks to my ability to heal with my chakra, examples like Shikamaru and Choji being perfect, if you have any organ issues, I can fix them for you! Heart problems, liver, and stuff like diabetes, I can fix stuff like that easy." Naruto easily explained that away.

"Well... there is more to it than that, but that does simplify it."

"Now, you mind explaining death?"

"Oh, that is easy, if you forget to manage her health with your chakra, she'll die... but you care too much about people to let that happen easily." Sakura waved off the death concern. That was only a concern if it was somebody with Naruto's chakra, but not his personality, used this method.

They paused for a moment.

"Then there is the benefit of the pleasure."

"... Yeah..." Sakura blushed as she grit her teeth. "... nearly a full week of constantly experiencing physical pleasure, 4,700 _at minimum_ orgasms... _because of an idiot_." Sakura had to throw that insult in. "... That much pleasure, all those hormones, can lead to one of the negatives though... Naruto Addiction." Sakura knew they would have to get to one of the downsides.

"Addiction?"

"The constant release of certain hormones thanks to sex, over the course of nearly 7 days, will make a person's body _learn_ that your name, your scent, your voice, your body causes them pleasure. A lesser person will become addicted, and most people after that will experience orgasms just by looking at a picture of you... or hearing your name mentioned." Sakura knew those levels of addiction could be dangerous for everyone involved, the woman would never stop seeking out more sex with the cause of their addiction. They would be mentally broken, or rather, completely dependant on Naruto for their own addiction needs. "Thanks to the sleep deprivation, and your chakra, they might even develop a second... _Naruto Personality_."

"... Chakra contains memories and personality, like how my parent's personalities and memories were inside me, because their chakra was!"

"Right, because the imbalanced state of their mind, thanks to lack of sleep, and overactive hormones, your chakra in their body could transfer your memories and personality to them, creating either a second personality, or modifying the existing one... which honestly, having more people with your personality would be a good thing." Sakura admitted that more good natured, forgiving people in the world would be nice. This was perhaps the second most likely side effect.

"On a side note, when the clone pops, then most of the jizz disappears, so whatever mess is made... whatever isn't absorbed into a girl, disappears. Easy clean up."

"Not counting all of her sweat, saliva, and fluids that she loses during this, that doesn't go away. Not to mention, when she wakes up-"

"Yeah, after 7 days no sleep, she is going to need some sleep-"

"Let me finish." Sakura snapped at Naruto, before she cleared her throat. "When she wakes up, she's going to be a practical super-model, with an athletic body, super healthy organs, amazing hair, skin, and teeth, better stamina, and even a possible better personality... or a split one." Sakura mentioned as a side note near the end.

"... and Naruto Addiction."

"_Possible_ Naruto Addiction, but more than likely, anything related to you, smell, mention of your name, your appearance, your voice... will either cause her to get aroused, or orgasm... a man who gives you 4,700 or more orgasms non-stop for days will leave an impression." Sakura pulled her fist back when she noticed that Naruto was grinning widely, knowing that he had such an amazing technique for sex.

She was going to punch him if he made a dumb comment about how awesome he was.

"What is this ect for?" Naruto looked at the end of the list of benefits.

"The list of benefits would be too long to go through if a cutting point wasn't set, 7 days of pleasure not caused by other means, will also flush out other addictions. A smoker won't have a desire to smoke, drinkers won't want to drink, drug addicts won't want drugs anymore. There are actually closer to 80 benefits from this, but I don't want to be here all day." Sakura mentioned with a shiver.

"Honestly, neither do I, I want to make use of this knowledge I have now, the sooner the be-"

"PERVERT!" Sakura unleashed the punch that she was holding back, sending her friend flying across the room and into the wall.

...

"... See you next time, on Naruto the Sex Technique Teacher, featuring Naruto and guest speaker, me!"

The Shadow Clone Jutsu, when used by Naruto, was perhaps the best sex technique.

_**Chapter End!**_  
_**Please Leave Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!**_

**-Calorie Math-**  
**Handjob: 23(x2) x 1000 = 46,000**  
**Footjob: 46(x2) x 1000 = 92,000**  
**Blowjob: 46 x 1000 = 46,000**  
**Anal: 69 x 1000 = 69,000**  
**Vaginal (Legs in Air): 73 x 1000 = 73,000**  
**Sex Total: 326,000**  
**Orgasm: 4700 x 4 = 18,800**

**326,000 + 18,800 = 344,800**  
**344,800 / 3,500 = 98.5 lbs**  
**6.9 Days**


End file.
